he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize