I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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