My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?