Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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