whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
