I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
