i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
