do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
