every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
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Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
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NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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