I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
