it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
do herpes really smell.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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