Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
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If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
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Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize