We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
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new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She even gives head with a lisp.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
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Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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