ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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