you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
