marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
found the other keg... it's in the tree
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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