Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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