saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
