sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
