Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
