I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
3pm strippers are depressing
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
