so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Did you just see the Batmobile???
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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