what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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