Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
