did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
