ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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