My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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