She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
