clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
