i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
