yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
