she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
