dude i'm inner monologue high
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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