dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
