history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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