Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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