anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
