Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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