Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
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When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
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Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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