by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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