im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize