i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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