This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
