i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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