Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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