I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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