sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
