my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
