Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
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He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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