I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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