I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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