Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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