Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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