She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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