Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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