Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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