My brain says no but my pants say off.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
