Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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